I am an Open book.... I wonder what my cover looks like?

So I have had this mad desire to start writing and journal lately. It is so therapeutic to me and sometimes the only way I can really express myself with out sounding like I love the sound of my own voice. I talk ALOT and I rarely really feel understood. So I write because then I can see, read and hear my own words and then I realize why I rarely feel understood. Because I am all over the place and my words are usually me working out my own thoughts and can be quite confusing to others. AKA (I come off crazy) 

Who am I?

  I am Tomi, I am passionate, driven, motivated, complicated, emotional, and I am an open book. I am pretty open about everything I do and think whether it is good or bad. Is this a good thing? I don't know really most people don't want or need to know everything. However I feel that if I did it, I feel it or I think, its who I am and I should not be ashamed. If I am ashamed or don't want someone to know about it chances are it was not something I should be doing in which case its more of a confession or admission of guilt. If you have ever had a conversation with me you know what I am talking about. I do not have a filter and I do not hide anything. If I am hiding something it means I am truly not happy with my decision. When I was younger I gambled a lot and I tried to hide it! It was not a healthy habit and I was ashamed so I changed it. (not easy) I still don't talk about it much. 

   When I get quite or shut down or feel the desire to shut down my face book page it means I am probably not in a good place and I am not proud of my thoughts, It also means I do not want to infect anyone else with my negative energy or poison. (usually PMS induced) or I am burned out and crashing from pushing myself to hard or loosing balance. I call it part of "my process" not saying its a good or a bad process just seems to be my process or a pattern my life follows. 

    I am generally very happy, high energy, and it takes a lot to get me down. But as my life gets busier and more demanding it sometimes takes less. I have a very full and blessed life with an amazing husband of 19 years 3 beautiful boys. My husband and my boys all have huge compassionate hearts. I know this because i know their hearts I feel their love and compassion and the unconditional love and connection all the way down to my core. We smile, we laugh, we cry, we yell, we fight and we make up. when we are tired and hungry we are mean and inpatient. When we are sick we whine and we pout. when we are healthy, fed and rested we smile, laugh, and enjoy other. Guess what we are REAL and we are just like everyone else. probably even you. 

     I try very hard to be aware of these patterns and to avoid tired, hungry and sick but like I said this is real life and we are real people so it happens. letting go is key and forgiving and forgetting is also important to maintain balance. This is my struggle sometimes. 

Tomi